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$
My Second Post Doc Year
23 Aug 2025
(中文版原文連結)
(Translated from the Mandarin version with the help of GPT-5.1)
Taking advantage of the office’s annual renovation closure at the end of August, I impulsively decided to go to Boston for a three-day work trip—help my students finish their papers before the deadline, and also catch up with old friends from the piano rooms. This summer was unusually hot and humid, but suddenly in mid-August a wave of autumn arrived. Walking through the streets of Cambridge, aside from not having New York’s crowds and chaos, I was hit by that crisp cool air I’ve missed so much—the kind that wakes up your brain.
This was my first time going back to Boston after graduation not for a conference, and it made the differences between the two cities much clearer. Even though I’ve still spent most of the past two years in New York buried in research, the environment and the people I interact with have given me intense culture shock. Back in Boston, everyone around me was a student full of idealism and passion, unafraid of tough realities. In New York, the moment I step out the door I see people muttering to themselves on the street, and right next to them, all kinds of highly polished professionals—it’s a strange mix that somehow just exists together. If Boston taught me how to think deeply and independently and push my limits, then New York taught me how tiny my own concerns are, and how huge and complicated society and reality can be.
Once, my advisor referred to a meeting in our group that had nothing to do with research as a “business meeting,” and it suddenly hit me: the moment something involves communication between people and the exchange of interests, it becomes part of “business.” Society is built on complicated business networks—people or groups negotiating, understanding, clashing, compromising. But cutting-edge research often requires you to disappear into your own ocean of thought and intuition, pushing the boundaries of knowledge alone. These two modes of operating are hard to run in parallel, yet both are essential (at least that’s how I see it). That’s probably why society and different fields evolved different roles—some more individual, some more business-oriented. With AI getting stronger, maybe this picture will eventually shift.
But for now, AI’s future is still full of uncertainty, and spending too much time predicting it might just be wasted effort—or extra anxiety. I actually think this might be a good moment to reflect on where I place myself, what genuinely makes me happy, and what kind of life I want. When I’m deep in research or talking research with others, I often feel like I’m doing something really important. But when I step back into real life and walk the streets of New York, that sense instantly fades—the research feels so far away from the world. This contrast used to bother me a lot, but now I think maybe that’s just how human society works. Even the greatest baseball player, someone all baseball fans worship, might be absolutely nobody to a soccer fan. And if someone proves P ≠ NP someday, it might be the same story—hard to guess whether more people or fewer people will actually appreciate it.
For someone who becomes a great athlete or a great scientist, what actually brings them joy or fulfillment? Is it admiration and social status? Is it a sense of inner meaning? Everyone will have a different answer. For me, I’m increasingly convinced that what makes me happiest is learning and growing together with people who share the same passions—mutual inspiration, mutual recognition.
But how do you actually make decisions about your life path? In this era of information overload, even someone like me who barely uses social media still gets bombarded with anxiety-inducing updates. Big things like geopolitical shifts and wild technological leaps, small things like the endless stream of papers, conferences, and awards in my field. Wherever you stand, there’s always someone above you. Even if research makes progress, finances get easier, or visas move forward, there are still a million things to worry about. How do you find inner peace and happiness in this age of anxiety?
I’ve started to feel that simply saying “just pursue happiness” isn’t a great guiding principle. Like our parents and teachers used to say: “no pain, no gain.” Without sweating in the gym or repeating fundamentals endlessly in the practice room, there’s no way to enjoy beautiful results later (though honestly, I’m starting to enjoy practicing fundamentals more and more now). So lately I’ve preferred another simple idea: “Just don’t let your future self regret it.”
There are many ways to interpret that. One extreme is genuinely lowering your expectations—so whatever happens in the future, you won’t regret anything. Maybe the people who choose to “lie flat” fall in this category. The other extreme is “burn bright”—have a very clear goal, and sprint toward it with everything you’ve got. Many successful founders seem to have that personality; no idea what all the failed cases look like. Others take the “do your best and let fate handle the rest” approach—at least you tried, so even if it doesn’t work out, there’s nothing to regret.
A lot has happened this past year, though most of it isn’t something I want to write here, nor something I want my future self to look back on. But if you ask whether I regret anything? Honestly, not really. Life always has ups and downs. Overall, I don’t feel regret about the big shifts and choices I’ve made in the past few years. Well—except maybe I do regret overworking for two years and giving up piano for a while. But I’m starting lessons again next semester!